i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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