It's Friday. Sex?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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