Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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