She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
