I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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