It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.