Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's always time for handjobs
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.