you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.