there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible