Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch