god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
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My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.