A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?