Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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