Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
