I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
