If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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