You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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