K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
