Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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