This is not my ceiling
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
