Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
