Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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