dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
