I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
After last night, I could never be a politician.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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