You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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