i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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