exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
