38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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