I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
