Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
