We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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