Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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