When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I want to be your penis for a week.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
