R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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