its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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