I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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