they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
