we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
