Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
