all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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