when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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