No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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