$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
sarcasm needs its own font
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
