Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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