Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
