Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize