He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
