gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
