I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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