So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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