Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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