In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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