I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
