just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
