Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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