careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
