i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize