i think my tv is drunk
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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