I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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