u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
