Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
