Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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