I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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