I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
