the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
