Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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