I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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